On tv series

In the end the most important issue is: how to avoid this overwhelmingly disgusting moment when your heart skips a bit and pain electrifies your body? Because that is how pain works: it stubs you in the back when you peacefully take your Sunday walk eating your ice-cream and you can hardly prepare for it.

Of course I do not talk about real dramas here, I wouldn’t dare to. I talk about seemingly stupid details which can ruin your day. And, of course, relationships are the area where all your paranoias suddenly go out of the closet. The range of anxieties here is much wider than number of shades of white in Ikea catalogue, you can choose from them whatever you want. When he doesn’t text you back. When she says she doesn’t care anymore. When you hear that somebody is not attracted to you anymore. Even, yes, even when ‘visualised, not responded’ occurs. All this pathetic social media slavery, running like crazy when hearing a WhatsApp notification sound. That won´t change your life, but the voice in the back of your head makes you believe it can.

I do tend to obsessively analyse my behaviour. I rethink it with a cruelty of a nazi doctor in Auschwitz experimenting on pregnant women. But I am wrong. Because, even if it ocurrs really, not only in our imagination, not being appreciated/liked/desired/taken care of enough by someone doesn´t mean a shit.

But still, even armed with this knowledge, and listening to the phrases like ‘stop overanalysing’ and ‘move on’, even then this short moment of panic will take place. And I could glorify this tiny instance and take pride in being a human or fight against it. But neurons are faster. They will always win the race. And it is also kind of humiliating because it demonstrates how dependant we are on somebody else´s judgment.

So maybe the trick is to shift focus. To look further. Or to get lost in everyday life details. To switch off thinking. Because pain won’t make you stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you wish you were dead, I saw it written on one of the walls in Valencia and I cannot agree more.

Maybe it’s the problem of people like me who love to exaggerate, go up and down, the ones addicted to contrary emotions. Those who are the slaves of the sinusoidal ride. I just can’t understand how you can maintain a balance in such a moment. I’m so jealous of anyone who can immediately concentrate on acting, on future tasks without doubling one’s interior neurosis.

But I have developed this totally childish trick to get a bit better when I feel like shit, whether I have a real reasons (happens sometimes) or not (happens often).
I remind myself my favourite TV serie and all the absurd situations my favourite protagonist has been through. And then I think that I still like the character. And then naively I hope I could still like myself despite all.

Now, this technique is of course extremely simplified, we all know that life is no TV serie and so on. But it has one big advantage: looking at the big picture. And maybe the only analogy between real life and serie is that you are in some way obliged to enjoy the show no matter what happens.