It slapped me in the face thousands time and then treated like a princess million times. It was always there praising me and kicking me down. In the end it became my weapon, my trademark, my currency. It was my armour protecting me from myself.
Being a drama queen is dangerous. A girl that loves to be in love, as one of my friends said. And what’s the difference between the girl who loves to be in love and the girl that cannot stand being alone? I really hope there is some. Though the line is thin.
I just cannot conquer love as Sia sang. I’ve had enough, I give up. I’ve been somebody’s girl, woman, bedmate, lover, baby, sex friend, crush, affair so long that I’ve forgotten where I end and somebody else begins.
But I want it all still. I want irresistible. I want Orange Crush in the morning and My Bloody Valentine’s Sometimes in the evening, I want my evenings with Toni Morrison and I want my youporn mornings. I want my face lines just mine, just for myself. I want night phone calls to my friends. I want drawing the whole day without talking to anyone.
But mostly I just want to wake up and not have anyone on my mind. Just get up for myself.
I won’t beg for anything even though I have tears in my eyes. It will all pass. I know that I can survive, I’d walk through fire to save my life.
martynaszczesniak.wordpress.com 
You don’t need to define yourself through anyone’s lens except your own (my two cents included), but the best relationships I’ve seen are the ones where the partner wants to be alongside you and they see possibilities that you don’t.
You don’t need to give up on love. Find your joy and passion (and your energy– I’m Type 1, too). Pursue it and become the best you. That’s usually when someone shows up in your life. They’re the right kind of someone because they’re seeing who YOU for who you really are, whatever that is.